Offbeat Enough

What’s the difference between the England football team and a tea bag?
A tea bag stays longer in the cup!

A man takes his seat at the World Cup Final. He looks to his left and notices that the there is a spare seat in between himself and the next guy.
“Who would ever miss the World Cup final?” Asks the man.
“That was my wife’s seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.” Explains the guy.
“That’s terrible, but couldn’t you get another member of the family, friend or someone else to come with you?” Asks the man.
“No…..They are all at the funeral!”

When the Azerbaijan football team came to Wales the other day, three of their players were caught speeding in Cardiff City centre. When the police pulled them over to explain, all three got out of the car, smiled, shock the police officers hands and said: “Thanks very much these are the first three points we’ve seen in ages!”

Figo, Ronaldo and Beckham are at the pearly gates of heaven, when St. Peter opens the gate. He turns to Figo and asks “Why do you deserve eternal happiness in Heaven my son?” Figo replies “I am an artist; I inspire young people to be great footballers, and in turn take them away from a life of crime.” St. Peter nods, impressed. He turns to Ronaldo and asks the same question. Ronaldo retorts “When I play football I treat everyone as an equal, I see no ethnic or racial divides. The boy from Riois the same as the superstar from Madrid.” One again St. Peter is impressed, and nods. Next he turns to Beckham, and says…… V V V V V v v v v v v “I suppose you are looking for your ball back?”

A German family head out one Saturday to do some shopping. While in the sports shop the son picks up an England football shirt and says to his sister, “I’ve decided to be an England supporter and I would like this for my birthday.” His big sister is outraged by this and promptly whacks him round the head and says, “Go talk to your mother.” So off goes the little lad with the white and red football shirt in hand and finds his mother. “Mum?” “Yes son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday”. The mother is outraged at this, promptly whacks him around the head twice and says, “Go talk to your father.” Off he goes with the football shirt in hand and finds his father. “Dad?” “Yes son?” “I’ve decided I’m going to be an England supporter and I would like this shirt for my birthday”. The father is outraged and promptly whacks his son around the head 4 times and says: “No son of mine is ever going to be seen in THAT!” About half an hour later they’re all back in the car and heading towards home. The father turns to his son and says; “Son, I hope you’ve learned something today?” The son says, “Yes dad I have.” “Good son, what is it?” The son replies, “I’ve only been an England supporter for an hour and I don’t like the Germans already!”

Source: BBC Wales