The Wisdom of Homer Simpson

All you need to know to get through life, as advised by Homer Simpson:

“Now son, you don’t want to drink beer. That’s for Daddys, and
kids with fake IDs.”

“Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.”

“You couldn’t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if
you had an electrified fooling machine.”

“Marge, don’t discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is
important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals! Except
the weasel.”

“If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now
quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”

“To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life’s
problems!”

“I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city,
keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would
explode! I think it was called, ‘The Bus That Couldn’t Slow Down.’”

“I want to share something with you - three sentences that will get
you through life:
Number one, ‘Cover for me.’
Number two, ‘Oh, good idea, boss.’
Number three, ‘It was like that when I got here.’”

“Marge, you’re as pretty as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.”