Offbeat Enough

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

6. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

7. Call the psychic hotline and don’t say anything.

8. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

9. Tell your friends, “It’s not the voices in my head that bother me, it’s the voices in your head that do.”

10. Tell your children over dinner, “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”