Offbeat Enough

General: Leaps tall buildings with a single bound, more powerful than a steam engine, faster than a speeding bullet. Gives policy to GOD.

Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a single bound. More powerful than a shunting engine. Is just as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water(if the sea is calm). Talks with GOD.

Lt.-Colonel: Leaps short buildings with a running start in favourable winds. Is almost as fast as a speeding bullet. Walks on water in indoor swimming pools. Talks with GOD if special request is approved.

Major: Barely clears a nissen hut. Loses tug-of-war with steam engine. Can fire a speeding bullet and swims well. Is occasionally addressed by GOD.

Captain: Makes high marks when trying to leap tall buildings. Is run over by trains. Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self injury. Doggy padles, talks to animals.

Lieutenant: Runs into tall buildings. Recognises trains 2 out of 3 times. Is not issued with ammunition. Can stay afloat if properly instructed in the use of a life jacket. Talks to walls.

2nd Lieutenant: Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter buildings. Says “look at choo-choo.” Is NEVER issued with a gun or ammunition. Plays in mud puddles. Mumbles to himself.

Sgt Major: Lifts tall buildings and walks under them. Kicks steam engines off the track. Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them. Freezes water with a single glance. HE IS GOD!