The Old Perfesser (TM, dammit!) poses the following problem to one of his classes: “A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his daughter, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his brother, and the rest to his wife. Now, what does each get?” After a very [...]
A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.” The woman freed the frog, and [...]
A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?” His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, “I’ll demonstrate. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask [...]
A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his date by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, “She must have really put an impression on you for you to keep calling her those [...]
This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book. He’s checking to see if the guy is worthy of entry or not. Saint Peter goes through the books several times, furrows his brow, and says to the guy, “You know, I can’t [...]
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite… What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite… Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy… How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray… What do you [...]
With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep us all healthy, happy and SAFE! 01. When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it’s really dead. 02. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. 03. Do [...]
In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest. The priest asked the janitor, “Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and [...]
Child: “Hello?” Daddy: “Hi honey. It’s Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?” Child: “No Daddy. Mommy’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.” Daddy: “Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul.” Child: “Yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the bedroom with Mommy.” Brief Pause. Daddy: “Okay, honey. I want you to put the phone down on [...]
An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. When the teenager was tired of being stared at, he sarcastically asked, “What’s the matter, old man? Never did anything wild in your [...]
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question. “If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?” After pondering the question she answered, [...]
A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace.” The owner was angry and called the florist to complain. After he had told the florist of the obvious [...]