Offbeat Enough

The Old Perfesser (TM, dammit!) poses the following problem to one of
his classes:

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes.”

A kid comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. “Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?”

A man was invited for dinner at a friend’s house. Every time the host needed something, he preceded his request to his date by calling her “My Love”, “Darling”, “Sweetheart”, etc., etc.

This guy arrives at the Pearly Gates. He has to wait to be admitted, while St. Pete leafs through his Big Book.

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite…

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite…

With Halloween upon us, it is worthwhile to remember a few simple rules to help keep us all healthy, happy and SAFE!

In a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest.

Child: “Hello?”

Daddy: “Hi honey. It’s Daddy. Is Mommy nearby?”

Child: “No Daddy. Mommy’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.”

Daddy: “Honey, you don’t have an Uncle Paul.”

An old man sitting at the mall watched a teenager intently. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him.

A blond, a brunette, and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

A new business was opening and one of the owner’s friends wanted to send flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card; it said “Rest in Peace.”